It’s normal for two friends or siblings to want different things. They have different wants and directions. It’s important they can negotiate fairly to find win-win outcomes that can strengthen their relating.
I have found the following steps helpful for negotiating. They are adapted from a BUZ resource, one of last year’s SEL focus program at Churchlands Primary:
1 Talk – ask for what you want.
2 Listen – transitioning with phrases like ‘so what do you think?’
3 Differences – identify the difference in wants and priorities.
4 Negotiate – share one idea each (at least) of a possible solution.
5 Agree – on a compromise that suits you both.
6 Celebrate – with a high five or having fun to celebrate that you’ve made a decision that suits you both.
For me, I often hear that the greatest challenge for students is getting along and having a good relationship with siblings. Not surprising as they see each other every day and the opportunities to clash, but also to hon negotiating skills, are endless.
At home my kids fight less since we began helping them negotiate. However, it’s a work in progress. My 7y/o is great at wheeling and dealing and her sibling still needs an advocate to help reach win-win outcomes, she’s also still learning to accept that sometimes parents have the right not to negotiate with kids. Meanwhile, my 5y/o has less melt downs knowing that when she says what she wants, she is more likely to get it or something close. It’s great when they do find common ground and have fun together while maintaining their own uniqueness.
Whatever age your children are, all the best in supporting their negotiating and direction in the constant changes of family life. 😊